Why people don't change!

Here is an excerpt from a book that I have absolutely enjoyed reading:

"When  a belief is  an ideology , used  to justify group  the way of life of a  social , it  will be  difficult  for the members of that  community to  consider it objectively.  There  will be  strong  social  pressures  to conform to it  and  acknowledge it.  People  will feel  that  their set of beliefs, even  if perhaps open  to some  theoretical  difficulties, contains  vitally  important insights,  and  a vision of  essential truths that  have  practical importance.   For  many  people  to question  their theory of  human nature is  to  threaten  what gives  meaning, purpose and hope to their  life, and thus  to cause  them psychological discomfort  or  distress.   Inertia,  and unwillingness  to  admit that  one is wrong, often  plays a  part here.   If  one  has  been brought up in  a certain belief and its associated way of  life, or if one  has converted  to  it and followed  its  precepts, it takes  great courage to question or abandon one’s life commitment."

Reference:
Ten Theories of Human Nature, Leslie Stevenson and David.L Haberman

The Far Side Gallery4 by Gary Larson

This book is hilarious. The humor is wasted on those whose G.K is poor. One needs to be aware of

• World and American history
• Pop culture
• Animal and plant kingdoms (chracteristics of different animals)
• Major events 
• Literature

But if you enjoy geeky literature then grab this book in the humor section. Here is a link to the snippets of jokes from the book.

These are a few of my favorite things :)

Days fortunately spent among children, children of angelic age of 5 to 11.
Greetings every morning with kids running to me and hugging any part of me that they can get hold of.
Pleas for chocolate and another story book.
Shy comments about how pretty I look that day.
An additional layer of kajal and a new earring can make me feel like a beauty queen among these tots.
A running, messy child.
A Soheil from grade 1 who is every so slovenly and ever naughty.
2 feet tall Arpitha from junior KG who gives me the best smile every day.
The kindest helper didi whose day doesn't begin without a hug from me.
Juveriya, who is always late to the class.
Juveriya, who is ever feisty.
Juveriya, who is the best dreamer of my class.
Juveriya, the name that fills most part of my heart.
Mr.A with collar button neatly done, leaving open the rest!
Crazy Anas who calms down with one touch.
Ronak, who refuses to ever give me a hug.
Aryan, who wins the award for being matured than the rest.
Chotu, whose front teeth haven't grown for the past 4 years.
Naziya, who places a kiss on cheeks every time she meets me and declares that I am the best didi in the world.
Yaseen! How I wish he were a little shorter to fit in my pocket.
The red dust of playground that chokes me, yet is like a breath of life.
Tears on a silly quarrel of pencil box.
Swear words and the apologies.
Reading time. That magical moment where I can hear the breathing of every single child.
The excitement over unopened book parcels.
The complaints over hand pain and leg bruises.
The sweat, dirt and smile after a football match.
Mufid, the ebony colored child with the dazzling eyes.
Mariam, who chides me for missing many of our evening one-on-one conversations.
Sakshi, whose sincerity puts me to shame every day.
Firdos, who retaught what kindness and joy are in life.
Souliha, the proud girl.
Guddu, the frivolous and the cutest looking child ever!
Asif and Fardeen, the undisputed sweethearts.

Crippled

There is an attitude commomplace in everybody's mind that "I help others because I want them to grow". This belief was violently shaken and shattered to bits through my journey in Teach For India. I came here thinking that I will put my life to good use for these 2 years of fellowship by uplifting a low income community. I couldn't have been more wrong. That weak thought process in my mind is now crippled for heaven's sake.

The kids I directly taught and those whom I interacted with only on a partial time basis opened up a vista of learning for me. They pushed me to be the best person I could be everyday for every moment. Authenticity of character was demanded at such purity and quality that I had to be on my toes at all points of time. I was tried, tested, teased, mocked, questioned, pushed and transformed all at the same time. Compassion, my biggest weakness was the most required skill on the job. Kindness to self was what killed me but my kids demanded I be kind to myself and them at all times. Goal setting and planning became second nature to me. While in my pre-fellowship phase, I struggled with orderliness and effectiveness, during my fellowship they became the religion I practiced.

I stumbled heavily in my fellowship to find the real value of open and honest communication. I let my strengths and weaknesses be seen naked by strangers, trusted in Seva, rejoiced in giving for I now know that I always receive back in abundance.

The last leg of my fellowship is proving to be just awesome. Winding up everything that I started and chalking out a next step for myself are exciting ways to end the fellowship. If I had any notions about "helping" others then I am glad that I don't hold any such frivolous thoughts anymore. You receive more by helping and hence in true sense you didn't help at all but got helped.

“The Simple Path
Silence is Prayer
Prayer is Faith
Faith is Love
Love is Service
The Fruit of Service is Peace” 
―Mother Teresa

What teaching is at TFI

Today is a day on which my belief, pride and joy about my profession is restored - it is Teachers Day. I would like to add to the celebrations by writing a small reflective post on what it is to be a teacher at Teach For India.

• Achievers quit their high paying jobs to teach. 
• Rich adults lead a lower middle class life out of choice. 
• Teachers spend on kids from their pockets. 
• Fellows ignore fever, cold, headaches, body aches to be in class each day, every day.
• Socially active folks give up on going out and partying. First comes the school and then everything else in life. 
• The conversations always revolve around the kids. 
• These leaders give up on a few personal relationships to just be here to teach. 
• The fellows undergo a substantial, accelerated personal change; their spirituality grows immensely.
• Money becomes the last thing on one's mind. 
• Fellows assess themselves on how well they are able to spread the love rather than how much material wealth they are able to acquire. 
• All stigmas about caste, financial status, religion and language get shattered. 
• One becomes highly reflective about one's actions.

All the above mentioned affairs occur not just once in the duration of fellowship but repeat everyday. I am grateful for getting this opportunity and humbled by all the learning I have had in the past 1.5 years. 

Electrified!!

I have mostly used this blog space to lament on my experience of reading. I have doled out formal reviews of the wonderful books that I've read. And mostly, all this was done in public eye; my blog was very much in the public space through social media, shares in email chains, back links from other bloggers, guest entries, correspondence with the authors etc,. But I have grown beyond that stage. I am going through an immense personal metamorphosis and the blog hasn't been a reflection of that at all. I felt estranged from this passionate lover from the past. I no longer wish to have that estranged relationship with writing. I want to chronicle all the beloved learnings and experiences I face through this blog. It will be a mirror to my self-journey.

I am currently reading Salman Rushdie's "Joseph Anton" and moved by the bare authenticity of the work. To see a book's realization through the creator's eyes is electrifying. As I have a deep connection to books and experiences, I am able to relish in all the details that the author has provided. A book is so much more than just a work of imagination to an author. An author leaves behind his personal self in the pages. A book is a glimpse into his mind. A book is a piece of author's soul left behind for all the posterity to enjoy. I cannot thank enough the book sale, where I bought this book. Lost in the world of education sector, I had temporarily departed from writing although I read many life altering bits. I am connected to my element whenever I am reading.

I am an engineer by training and an educator by choice. But the world of books has a strong calling. I cannot put my finger on what role I will play in the world of books but I just know that I am here to stay.

There is no friend as loyal as a book. - E Hemingway 

Kind to self!

It's been long since I penned down my thoughts. I  recently had a wake up call that I absolutely lack work-life balance. I enjoy my job immensely and in such a scenario, my work has become my life. It is the ideal condition everyone aspires to be in. I am never exhausted mentally and I have the energy to do six days' work at once. Nevertheless I consciously choose to take a step back and relax a bit. I need a respite from workaholic schedule.

Today I was faced with a situation where there was a minor mishap in my work. It occurred due to a combination of faults from 3 people but I had to face the consequences. I was chided by my superior and fell into the guilt trap immediately. My mind was clouded with the self-abnegation. I just couldn't forgive things going on a any path that is less than perfect. I was cruelly judging my preparedness, dedication and capability all at once. It took a colleague's soothing moral support and my own reflection to bounce back into being happy.

What makes it so hard to be kind to self?

• Ego
• High expectations from self
• Societal expectations
• Fear of failure
• Doubts about one's own capability 
• Locus of control lying outside of your mind
• Less energy to stop the penetration of external influences into your mind
• Lack of clarity on one's efforts and the outcome
• Circumstantial pressure
• Self-criticising 

All the above reasons are daunting to tackle at once. But all it takes to overcome them is self-awareness. Being extremely conscious of one's own thoughts and emotions is crucial to practising kindness on self. We find it easy to help a friend at times of distress but to muster the will power to help oneself requires practice, confidence, resilience and grit. High degrees of honesty plays a major rule in accepting mistakes and turning them into learnings. One more underestimated tool for practising kindness on self is humour. Being able to laugh at your mistakes is the most courageous thing to do. Standing up to an enemy (your brain) who knows you very well is outright intimidating. First line of defence is to empathise with self. Then the below cycle follows:

• Take notice of the mistake
• Observe your emotions towards the mistake
• Embrace your weakness
• Be vulnerable and stop playing perfect
• Analyse the growth points
• Do damage control
• SMILE
• Go back to the arena being vulnerable and ready to make another mistake

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” 
― Dr. Seuss